P. J. O'Rourke Quotes And Sayings

The Clinton Administration Launched An Attack On People In Texas Because Those People Were Religious Nuts With Guns. Hell, This Country Was Founded By Religious Nuts With Guns. Who Does Bill Clinton Think Stepped Ashore On Plymouth Rock?

China Is Trying To Become America Without Democracy While America Is Trying To Become France Without Cheese Calories.

President Obama Has Contempt For Real Money.

Obama, In Pursuit Of Power, Has Been As Greedy And Irresponsible As Any Wall Street Tycoon In Pursuit Of Money.

For Decades In America, There Has Been An Effort To Ensure That The Rights Of Those Who Are Not Sane Are The Same As The Rights Of Those Who Are.

Democrats Hate Success.

Democrats Hate Democrats Most Of All.

In A Free Country, Government Is A Dull And Onerous Responsibility. It Is A Parent-teacher Conference.

The Average Iq In America Is - And This Can Be Proven Mathematically - Average.

America's Public Schools Have Served Their Purpose. Free And Compulsory Education Was Good For A Somewhat Unpromising Young Nation.

Nancy Pelosi Says The Angry Opposition To Health Care Reform Is Like The Angry Opposition To Gay Rights That Led To Harvey Milk Being Shot.

I Have Never Twittered Or Tweeted Or Even Chirped.

If Government Were A Product, Selling It Would Be Illegal.

I Understand Twitter Has Become Popular Among Politicians. This Technology Allows Them To Stay In Perpetual Contact With Their Constituents. The Electorate Now Has Instant Information About What Politicians Have Been Up To.

I Live In Rural New Hampshire, And We Are, Frankly, Short On People Who Are Black, Gay, Jewish, And Hispanic. In Fact, We're Short On People. My Town Has A Population Of 301.

Mistreatment Of Al Qaeda Members And Their Friends And Hangers-on Is Something I Number Among My Moral Concerns. But It's Number 1,000,000,001.

I Don't Mind America Becoming A Third World Country. The Weather Is Better In The Third World Than It Is Where I Live In New Hampshire. And Household Help Will Be Much Cheaper.

The Afghans Themselves Say That If You Put Two Afghans In A Room, You Get Three Factions.

The Killjoys Initiated Automobile Crash Standards So Rigorous That We Can't Buy A Car That Hasn't Been Dropped From The Top Of A Phone Pole With Our Whole Family Strapped Inside.

Network Television Has Been Attempting To Lure Viewers For Years With Its Low-interest Programming Only To Have Those Viewers Discover Later That Their Brains Are Bankrupt.

I Look Around My House, And Everything Except The Kids And Dogs Was Made In China. And I'm Not Sure About The Kids. They Have Brown Eyes And Small Noses.

Never Be Unfaithful To A Lover, Except With Your Wife.

If You Want To Join The Republican Party, They Have To Let You In. There's Nothing They Can Do About It. I Mean, If Republicans Will Take Al D'amato, They'll Take Anybody.

Affirmative Action Makes Employers Think, 'Black Woman Nuclear Physicist? Hah! Probably Let Her Into Harvard 'Cause They Were Looking For A Twofer. Bet She Got C's In High School Practical Math. Give Her A Job In Personnel.'

The Real Purpose Of Welfare Is To Get Rid Of Poor People Entirely. Everybody Knows Welfare Has Bad Effects; That's The Point.

Liberals Want To Live Downtown. All Over America - In New York, San Francisco, Chicago, Georgetown - There Are Crowds Of Liberals Living In The Gritty, Ugly, Dirty Neighborhoods Sensible People Are Trying To Flee.

Mikhail Gorbachev Was The Jimmy Carter Of The Communist Bloc. The Russians Hate Him.

There Is No Horizon In Toledo. There Are Too Many Trees.

We Journalists Don't Have To Step On Roaches. All We Have To Do Is Turn On The Kitchen Light And Watch The Critters Scutter.

Detroit Is Beautiful - Though You Probably Have To Be A Child Of The Industrial Midwest, Like Me, To See It.

I Usually Agree With Rush Limbaugh; Therefore I Usually Don't Listen To Him.

Is Bill Clinton So Good At Politics, Or Are Other Politicians So Bad?

There Is No 20-year Period In American History When Stocks Lost Money.

After All, What Is Your Host's Purpose In Having A Party? Surely Not For You To Enjoy Yourself; If That Were Their Sole Purpose, They'd Have Simply Sent Champagne And Women Over To Your Place By Taxi.

The Library, With Its Daedalian Labyrinth, Mysterious Hush, And Faintly Ominous Aroma Of Knowledge, Has Been Replaced By The Computer's Cheap Glow, Pesky Chirp, And Data Spillage.

Philosophy Was Once Considered Science.

Rahm Emanuel Is, We Are Almost Certain, A Vampire.

You May Be Surprised To Discover You're Rich, Especially If You're Broke.

The Mystery Of Government Is Not How Washington Works But How To Make It Stop.

We Need A Government, Alas, Because Of The Nature Of Humans.

I'm Old Enough To Remember When The Air Over American Cities Was A Lot Dirtier Than It Is Now.

There Isn't Much Room For An Outsider Point Of View In Print Any More.

I'm A Political Conservative.

Fortunately, I'm Married To Someone Who's A Pretty Excellent Parent!

I'm Really Tired Of Virtue.

I Do Have To Travel A Lot For Speaking Engagements.

I'm A Rather Decisive Type.

Soldiers Are Not Policemen, And It's Very Unfair, Even For Those Soldiers Who Have Some Police Training, To Burden Them With Police Duties. It's Not What They're Trained For, Or Equipped For.

If We Were To Inspect Ourselves Or Members Of Our Family And Our Friends, We Would See That We Don't Really Have To Go All The Way Overseas To Be Mystified - We Can Be Mystified Right At Home.

You Can Learn All About The Human Condition From Covering The Crime Beat In A Big City - You Don't Need To Go To Beirut For That - But A Foreign Correspondent Begins To Understand Poverty From A Different Perspective.